Marion Schneider

To Women who will get married

When you get married, your life will change without your doing anything. It happens without your active imput. Many people will suddenly treat you differently, and in the light of my experience, it will be to your disadvantage. You will lose your identity and become your husband’s wife… People do it automatically, even your own parents. They will talk to your husband instead of you. Nobody wants to hurt you, it just happens. They will always ask you how your husband is doing, and give him their regards. When they visit you, your gift might be smaller than the one they bring for him. They might not talk to you for your own sake anymore, but will expect you to ask your husband for his opinion. Your husband will start to take over the male role much more than previously and communicate differently – with you and with others. People might take you for granted now and focus on different topics – for your sake, of course, but it might be hard for you to accept. It might be a cultural shock.

People might not address you in the singular, but in the plural now. If your car is broken, the repair person might talk to your husband. You will find yourself in the role of a wife, and he will be in the role of a husband. This is a different stereotype from that of man and women. Think about it. And make the best of it – it will only change you in case you adjust – and if you do not get a divorce and do not want a divorce, you will – adjust!  No use to fight against the inevitable.

2007